


melancholy holiday

by church_of_natsume (maxille)



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Background Smut, Casual Sex, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, New Years, Sleeping Together, i think its good, i wrote this in two hours, kaoru stupid mfer, theres no explicit sex dw, this is a chiakao fic do not be fooled by other tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 09:48:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28469283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxille/pseuds/church_of_natsume
Summary: slept next to her but i dreamt of you all summer long--kaoru's new years eve epiphany
Relationships: Hakaze Kaoru/Background Characters, Hakaze Kaoru/Morisawa Chiaki, Hakaze Kaoru/Sena Izumi
Kudos: 20





	melancholy holiday

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THE END NOTES ITS IMPORTANT

Going abroad with Sakuma had been just the change of pace Hakaze needed.

Everything about Japan was tiring. From the endless idol work to keeping up with his public image: it was all too much effort. Frankly, Hakaze was thankful he didn’t have to worry about it anymore. Aside from the occasional photo shoot, life with Sakuma was mundane and boring, but Hakaze liked it like that.

His time away from Japan was much needed. When Sakuma had first brought up the idea of leaving Japan together, Hakaze was admittedly on the fence about it. He wasn't sure if he was ready to throw away all the things he loved just yet. However, one drunken misunderstanding was enough to make his mind up for him. After the person in question ignored all his calls and messages, Hakaze decided that he needed to escape it all, even if it was just for a little bit.

Hakaze could say he was happier now.

But was that really the truth?

Who was he kidding? Not a day went by where Morisawa Chiaki wasn't plaguing the back of his mind.

His first year with Sakuma had gone by very fast. The pair exchanged gifts and celebrated Christmas together in their small apartment. They were now sitting in front of the television to watch whatever cheesy romance movie would play. Hakaze would be lying if he said he didn’t have a small fondness for the genre. It reminded him of his own love life in a way. 

However, as the movie played, all Hakaze could think about was who he wanted to spend New Years' with the most.

_\-- nine months ago_ \--

During his third year of high school, Hakaze would sleep with as many different girls as he wanted without care. It was an unhealthy coping mechanism for sure, but as long as he was happy, he didn't mind. He wasn't entirely past that habit yet, much to his own chagrin. He was getting there.

So Hakaze changed. He would only see one person at a time, even if those people were just flings who he never saw much in, to begin with. Hakaze would sleep with one guy for a few weeks, then they would ‘mutually’ agree to drop each other, and Hakaze would move on to a girl he had had his eye on for a while. It wasn’t much of an improvement, but Hakaze considered it an improvement nonetheless.

Then he slept with Morisawa.

That was his biggest mistake yet.

He expected it to be no different. They would have sex a few times, then go back to being friends like they always were. But something about Morisawa was too precious to say no to. Maybe it was the way he held Hakaze’s hands as they had sex. Perhaps it was the way he would fall asleep and snore cutely as soon as they had finished. Whatever it was, it was too captivating to let go of.

Hakaze then made the mistake of going to Morisawa’s house to watch a movie. If he was smart, he would have considered the idea that Morisawa was asking him on a date. However, he was not smart, so he agreed, intending to have sex again. But instead, they wound up cuddling on Morisawa’s couch all day. Hakaze often thought about their time together. About how nice it felt to hold someone in his arms like that. 

So why did he decide to throw it all away?

Hakaze always thought of him and Morisawa as friends with benefits who sometimes did romantic things because they were lonely. Quite the mouthful of a title, but it summed their relationship up well. So, drunk Hakaze saw no problems sleeping with Sena. He didn’t think of the tear it would cause between their friendship. He also didn’t think of his relationship with Morisawa.

“We never agreed that we were exclusive.”

Morisawa ground his teeth. He rarely got this worked up.

“I didn’t think we had to! We’ve had sex, what, eight times in the last four days. If that doesn’t scream ‘exclusive’ then maybe you aren’t mature enough to be having sex in the first place.”

Hakaze would be lying if he said that didn’t cut deep. He took a moment to consider if he was really being immature.

“The people who I sleep with shouldn’t concern you. Not that it matters anymore, anyway. I came to tell you I’m leaving Japan with Sakuma, so what we have is over.”

And that was the last time the two ever spoke. Hakaze’s hungover rampage was an embarrassing last memory, to say the least. Hakaze was stupid. He knew that much. He never should’ve said those things. He wanted to apologize, but Morisawa was obviously hearing none of it.

He couldn’t have peaceful moments rest the entire flight. Sakuma knew what was going on, of course. The old man somehow knew everything about Hakaze without even having to ask. If Hakaze had the mental capacity to be scared of that ability, he would be. But all he could think about was Morisawa, and how desperately he wanted to reconcile with him.

\-- _present_ \-- 

“You’ve been staring like that for a while, Kao-kun. You missed the best part of the film.”

Hakaze snapped out of his trance. A glance at the television told him that he did, in fact, miss the part where the main characters had finally resolved whatever stupid, cliché problem they had caused.

“Oh, what a shame. I’m going to bed. Night, Rei-kun.”

Rei tutted.

“Not so fast. You missed the film! I’ll have to recap it for you.”

Hakaze groaned but sat back down anyway.

“It was rather sweet, actually. The male realised that he had made a mistake and drove miles to see his love interest again to apologise to her.”

It sounded all too familiar to Hakaze.

“He didn’t love her at first. He didn’t think he did, anyway. But, after his best friend reminded him that she was all he thought about, he reconsidered. He loved her all along. How about that?”

Hakaze hadn’t even seen the movie. He already hated it.

“I think we can both learn a valuable lesson from this film. Every problem has a solution, even if that means travelling long distances to see the one you love most again.”

Hakaze felt like he was starting to sweat. He should turn the AC up. It was getting hotter.

“A lovely story, wouldn’t you agree, Kao-kun? That begs the question, though; what would you do in his situation? Would you fly back to your home to see him again? Does Morisawa mean enough to you?”

So this was about him. Hakaze had a feeling. He huffed, kicking Sakuma’s legs with his own.

“It’s storming. No flights will be running in this weather.”

Sakuma laughed that stupid, evil laugh. It pissed Hakaze off in a way.

“Then aren’t you lucky you have a friend like me with so many connections?”

Hakaze couldn’t help but smile. He knew forcing Sakuma to make amends with Tenshouin would be a good idea.

“One of Tenshouin’s men will be at the airport in half an hour. If you catch a cab now, you can make it in 15 minutes.”

Sakuma turned to look Hakaze dead in the eye.

“That is, if you’re ready for the confrontation that will ensue.”

Hakaze took a moment to think. Morisawa hadn’t reached out once. He had ignored all of Hakaze's calls and messages. What are the chances he would be willing to reconcile now? 

No.

He would much prefer to try and fail than lying in bed wondering what could have been.

He quickly threw some clothes and toiletries in a backpack and latched a pillow underneath his arm. He ran to the door, turning to face Sakuma before leaving.

“Thank you, Rei-kun. Happy New Year to you.”

Sakuma smiled to himself as Hakaze left.

“Kids nowadays. So troublesome.”

* * *

The storm had done a number on Hakaze on his way to the airport. He felt oddly guilty boarding Tenshouin’s plane; it was so luxurious and comfortable, and here he was dripping water all over the floor. The man at the door started drying Hakaze with a soft towel. He ironically hated being pampered like this. He felt as if he owed something to Tenshouin’s men. He offered to help clean up the now saturated carpet, but they insisted that they’d do it. He sat down and ‘enjoyed’ yet another restless flight. 

\-- _seven months earlier_ \--

Sena and Hakaze didn’t talk for a few weeks after their one-night stand. Hakaze was glad; he feared what other stupid decision he may make if faced with the man again. Sex with Sena would probably fix the gaping wound in his heart, even if it was just temporarily. 

Hakaze had caught sight of him walking to his office, followed by an entourage of ES employees. He had just returned from Florence and was most likely being flooded with missed paperwork and photoshoot opportunities. 

Hakaze decided to wait a bit before entering his office. He was a little nervous, a feeling he didn’t get often. Hakaze was once a confident man; he never considered how terrible falling in love would be.

“Fuckin’ hell. I told you, I’m not interested in-“

Sena looked up from his desk. He looked rather surprised when he saw Hakaze, but his expression quickly turned into a smile.

“Oh. Kaoru-kun. How are you?”

Hakaze noted the instant mood change. It was almost like seeing him excited Sena. Perhaps he wanted to continue what they had before he left for Florence. Hakaze just hoped he didn’t come onto him. He might not be able to contain himself.

“I’m well, thank you. How about you, Senacchi? How was Florence?”

Sena got up and began making his way over to Hakaze. He stopped right in front of him.

“It was boring. Nothing new there, though. As annoying as he is, Leo-kun’s absence made things worse. Although...”

Sena wrapped his arms around Hakaze’s neck and pulled him closer.

“I must admit, I missed you quite a lot.”

He crashed their lips together, and Hakaze lost all composure. He began kissing back, letting Sena reach for the curtains to shut them. He was seriously about to have sex with Sena again, moments after he had returned. All he wanted to do was ask about Morisawa.

A sex-crazed lunatic.

That’s what he felt like.

He didn’t like it very much.

\-- _present_ \--

Considering the massive storm outside, the flight was smooth. The weather was just as gloomy in Japan, though. As Hakaze stepped out of the plane, a car, most likely also belonging to Tenshouin, was waiting for him. Getting in the car, he glanced at his phone. Still 20 minutes until midnight. If all went well, he could get a New Year’s kiss that all the movies talked about so much.

It took Hakaze an embarrassing amount of time to ascertain his feelings for Morisawa. All things considered, anything Morisawa did feel for him was probably gone now. He deserved it; he did some stupid things. Lashing out at Morisawa like that was wrong, and Hakaze was determined to set things right again.

The driver sped off before Hakaze had a chance to thank him. _Another thing for me to feel bad about,_ he thought. As he stood outside ES, looking the building up and down, he became uneasy. Whatever the result, it would beat standing outside getting wetter.

Tenshouin was waiting for him in the foyer. Hakaze didn’t know whether he appreciated that or not.

“Good evening, Hakaze-kun. I hope your journey here was smooth. I have the key to your dorm here.”

Tenshouin dropped the familiar key into Hakaze’s palm. Hakaze shoved it in his pocket, running off in the direction of the dorms. He looked at his phone again. Ten more minutes.

Seeing the ES dorms again was an unnecessary reality check; it made him all the more aware of what he was doing to himself. If things went wrong, he might never recover.

Oh well. It was too late to back out now.

He made his way to Morisawa’s dorm and knocked.

He waited.

No answer.

Just to be sure, he waited a bit longer.

Sure enough, he heard footsteps. 

Then, whisper-shouting.

“Sorry about the wait! Did you need someth-“

Hakaze could barely look into Morisawa’s eyes. His dear Moricchi; his eyes showed no clear sign of how he was feeling. Was he relieved to see Hakaze again? Or was he still pissed after their fling ended on such a sour note? He had every right to be angry. Hakaze knew his actions were unforgivable.

“I didn’t know you were coming back.”

No greeting. That hurt.

“I wasn’t meant to. But I decided there were some things I needed to take care of.”

Morisawa’s mouth fell slightly agape. He then took note of how Hakaze was dripping wet.

“You’re soaked. Come in, I’ll get you a towel.”

This was good progress.

* * *

“You’ll have to be quiet. I invited the other four around for a New Year’s celebration, but they’ve already fallen asleep.”

By ‘other four’, Hakaze assumed Morisawa meant the rest of Ryuseitai. Typical of him to be the last one awake at a slumber party. Hakaze used the towel to dry himself, letting the uncomfortable silence grow. There was an obvious tension in the room. Hakaze hated it but didn’t do anything about it.

“You shouldn’t have come back for me.”

Hakaze was a little surprised by Morisawa’s bluntness.

“And how do you know it’s you I’m here for?”

Morisawa was the first to get mad.

“Cut the crap, Hakaze. Why else would you show up at my dorm minutes before midnight? Excuse me for being a little angry at your arrival, but I think it’s justified.”

Hakaze sighed. It was justified. It was completely reasonable. Morisawa had every right to be mad; he had every right to kick him out of his dorm whenever he wanted. Hakaze was just glad Morisawa was giving him a chance to talk.

“You’re right. You have every right to be angry at me. I don’t deserve forgiveness but I’m asking for it anyway.”

“I’m not going to be a pushover about this, Hakaze. You broke my heart. You never apologised for it, either.”

_I did apologize,_ Hakaze felt like saying. _In the texts and voicemails you ignored._ He was in no place for smart-ass answers, though.

“If you came all the way back to Japan just to use me for sex again, I’m afraid it isn’t happening. In fact, I’m sure Sena’s more likely to give you dick than I am. Why don’t you go to his dorm? Why are you here-“

“Because I love you, Moricchi.”

\-- _seven months earlier_ \--

Both Hakaze and Sena were puffed out. Sena’s office was now a mess, papers, and pens scattered across the floor after being shoved off the desk to make room for Sena’s body. Hakaze made a lazy effort to button his shirt back up and get up. Sena, still nude, sat up and stared.

“You obviously came here for a reason. Not that I’m upset with this outcome,” Sena smirked, “but what did you want?”

This is where everything would fall apart. Hakaze felt bad asking the question, but in the end, he cared about Morisawa more.

“Have you spoken to Moricchi recently?”

As expected, Sena’s smile immediately turned into a frown.

“Oh. You’re still caught up on him?”

Sena began putting his clothes back on.

“We spoke once. Over text. He said something about you breaking his heart, whatever that meant.”

Well, if Hakaze didn’t feel guilty before, he definitely does now. 

Sena began picking up the stationary that had fallen to the floor.

“Guys like me aren’t used to being used as a rebound, Hakaze. It's pretty rude of you to have sex with me in my goddamn office then ask about your ex.”

Hakaze was back to his old ways. God, he hated himself for this.

“I’m sorry, Sena. You’re going to hate me even more, but we’ll have to end things here for now. I’m going abroad with Sakuma.”

Well, if Sena wasn’t pissed before, he _definitely_ was now.

“Whatever. Get out, I have work to do.”

\-- _present_ \--

“You deserve to know the whole truth, that’s why I’m telling you this. I know it looks bad, but that whole time I was with Sena, I was thinking of you. I thought nothing of it at first. I thought that I had been thinking about you these past eight months because I was mad at myself for what I did to you. And that is true, but...

“I’ve realised now that I can only think of you because I love you. Not just in a friends-with-benefits way, either. I love you so much. It was stupid of me to not realise sooner.”

Morisawa had said nothing throughout Hakaze’s entire story. Hakaze couldn’t gauge much from that response.

“That’s why I came back. Thank you for hearing me out. I needed to say that.”

Hakaze checked his phone.

One minute until midnight.

“Goodnight, Moricchi. Happy New Year.”

Hakaze hoped Morisawa would stop him, but he didn’t. He walked out of the dorm and leaned his head on the wall. That was it for him. Tears rolled down his face. This was the response he was expecting, but it hurt all the same.

10.

9.

8.

Hakaze could barely remember where his dorm was. He jokingly considered sleeping in the corridor. Someone like him deserved it.

7.

6.

5.

4.

He decided to stay facing the wall a little longer. He let the tears roll down his face, a feeling he hadn’t reveled in for a long time. It was relieving, in a way.

3.

“Hakaze, wait.”

2.

Hakaze looked up and was met with a crying Morisawa.

1.

It happened all too fast. Before Hakaze knew it, Morisawa’s lips were on his.

_Happy New Year._

**Author's Note:**

> HIIII IM PROUD OF THIS UMMM  
> its a little wordy but i think its good i hope you liked it alright bye  
> happy new year everyone  
> DO NOT FORGET THAT CHIAKAO WEEK IS COMING SOON! I've got a couple of participants but i'd really like some more so please consider contributing!! the twitter can be found [here!](https://twitter.com/chiakaoweek)


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